I need to talk to you about his behaviour…
I still remember sitting in that small office to the pre-school that my son D had been at for a few weeks. They had asked to see me. I just thought that it was an initial chat to let me know how he had been getting on. As soon as I walked into the room his key worker hit me with it… I need to talk to you about his behaviour…
I knew David was not perfect he has always been a bit of a pickle …he had a lot of energy but never imagined that he was as bad as she began to tell me.
Hurting other children…cannot sit still….pays no attention to authority…does not play nicely …..wont listen to anyone…the only thing to bring discipline that effects him is to take off his shoes….ADD…ADHD….(are they even supposed to diagnose yet… he is not even 3).
He needs to see a specialist as we do not know what to do with him … can you give me permission to complete the paperwork.
So I ask her…What strategies do you have in place to deal with children who you consider to have bad behaviour? What have you tried.. has this happened before…She answered – We don’t have any idea what to do that’s why we want to see a specialist.
She then asked me if I discipline him…surely you must have noticed his behavioural problems.
I ended the meeting asking if there was anything that D actually does well…He is very polite was the answer. That was all I got.
I came away from the meeting and just sat in my car and cried. I could not believe that my happy son who I loved so much was as awful as they were making out. Couldn’t they see how funny he was, how good he was at talking, how he loved dancing and acting out stories, how quickly he learnt to potty train, how excited he got when he was doing his favourite thing or how loving he was.
Had I failed him as a mother… had I let him watch too many super heroes on you Tube which made him want to fight everybody!
My first reaction was that mothers instinct that just needed to protect him, to love him, to cuddle him and let him know that everything is going to be OK.
I don’t know if anyone else has faced this but shortly after my first reaction, I got my first fear – I started to worry about what everyone else thought…Have all the other mums seen this? Does everyone else think that he has issues and I am the only one that hasn’t noticed. I know one of my friends had an autistic child and I remember all the other mums noticing it before the child’s mum and talked about it. Had they been doing this with David?
As a Christian I was always trying to work out where was God in all this. Why had he allowed this to happen to me. I had to admit my first impulse was to be mad at the pre-school, how could they say nothing and then just hit me with this. I really don’t think they handled it well. I started thinking about how to make a complaint… but as I was making a cup of tea, shortly after this all happened I saw a bible verse I had put up on one of my kitchen cupboards that my friend Tracie brought me…based on the Proverbs 31 woman, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come”.
Through out this journey I made a decision.. I was going to act with dignity, in the knowledge that God had clothed me with strength to deal with what ever was going to come my way. Above all the madness I am so glad that I heard God speak to me and I reminded myself of those words every time I felt over whelmed or insecure. I am clothed with strength and dignity, it just helped change my perspective. I am not saying it has been easy or that I had not cried or felt like giving up. But just speaking those words over my life has brought so much strength and comfort to me.
If anyone ever gets a chance to read this Blog, (I am not sure what I am going to do with it yet) I just want to let you know that whatever situation you are facing today whether it be concerning yourself or your child…find out what God says about you and what he says about the situation… it will give you the faith and the strength to see it through.
Know that you are never alone.
Be blessed
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